A few weeks ago, Devon and I were lucky enough to meet Alexis Bock, a soon to be bride and Director of JConnect. After witnessing her excitement about her upcoming nuptials coupled with her professional connection to everything Jewish, I knew that we had to feature her on District Weddings! Today, Alexis shares her expert background on Jewish wedding customs and traditions.
What are the major differences between the Orthodox, Reformist, Conservative, Hasidic and Reconstructionist Jewish Ceremony?
This answer is way too long and complicated for this blog entry… it could have an entire blog devoted to it.. but basically in a nutshell… Reform, Conservative, and Reconstructionist ceremonies are egalitarian. There is a dual ring ceremony if the couple wishes (by Jewish law, only the groom has to give the bride a ring, not vice versa).
The Orthodox ceremony is performed to strict Jewish law with clear gender rules that have not been adapted over time. The officiant (rabbi or cantor in most cases) is the one who makes the decision as to what has to take place what can not take place during a Jewish wedding.
If a couple is looking for a Jewish officiant, they can contact Jconnect and we will match them with an officiant that is best for them.
The Chuppah, as a symbol of the couple’s new home, has been a longtime tradition for Jewish brides that has evolved overtime. How is it most commonly carried out today?
The chuppah is one of the traditions of the Jewish wedding that has not changed in concept over the years, however has changed in the style and design. The chuppah can be built by your florist and be included in your florist package or be rented from a variety of companies, or if you are getting married at a synagogue, they usually have one to use.
Another idea, one which we are doing at our wedding, is creating a chuppah to be used for generations to come. In my fiancés family, they have a family chuppah in which each grandchild (this tradition was started by my fiance’s grandmother) has a personalized side panel that my mother-in-law-to-be is embroidering as I write this. This way, the chuppah will be able to be used in our family for years to come.
There are a variety of styles of chuppahs including ones made from branches and twigs and decorated with flowers to ones made of metal and decorated with fabric. The only true “rule” is that the chuppah should have a roof and is open on all sides.
One of the mitzvot, or commandments of Judaism, is the mizvah called “hiddur mizvah” which translates to beautifying the mitzvah. With this, it gives the couple the choice to personalize and make the chuppah the most beautiful they can imagine together.
Here are some examples of different chuppahs:
Here is the chuppah from my parents wedding (same concept, just a “vintage” design):
What would you say is the most distinctive and important component to a Jewish wedding?
I would say there isn’t just one thing.. I would say there are three top distinctive components:
1. the ketubah- the Jewish marriage contract which basically serves as proof that the couple is married according to Jewish tradition. Now, couples can choose a ketubah design and wording that appeals to them. This document was originally written in Aramaic and now can be adapted to any type of couple, interfaith, traditional, and egalitarian.
2. the chuppah (discussed above)
3. breaking the glass (below)
4. the Hora- the infamous Jewish dance that is traditionally done at all celebrations where both the bride and groom are lifted in chairs above their friends and family (and hopefully don’t fall off)
Why does the breaking of the glass occur and who actually breaks it?
The Jewish wedding ceremony ends when the groom stamps on and shatters a glass. There are a number of interpretations of this tradition. One is that it reminds the couple and the wedding guests of the destruction of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem, and that even though there is much joy in the world, there is sorrow as well. Another is to remind us of the fragility of human relationships, and that we should never take each other for granted.
Any way you look at it, it is a great cue for the crowd to yell “Mazel Tov!” (good luck!) and get everyone ready to celebrate with the happy couple.
What is the most common day of the week for a Jewish ceremony and why?
Again, this answer depends on the couple and who they choose the officiant to be. Jewish weddings are not held on the Jewish Sabbath, Shabbat or any holidays. Thus, most Jewish weddings are held on Saturday night after the Sabbath or Sunday afternoon or evening. Some rabbis or cantors will not start a ceremony on Saturday night until after sunset, but some others will, as long as it is late enough in the day. It is important to ask the officiant you choose about this before signing a contract the deals with timing of the ceremony.
How can brides and groom find out where to buy Jewish ritual objects, rent chuppahs, find Jewish pre-marital classes and more information about planning a Jewish wedding?
Jconnect is your source for all of these answers. Jconnect can help you and your fiancé find an officiant, a volunteer project to do the year of your wedding, help you with tricky questions about Jewish customs and traditions and any other questions you have about planning a Jewish wedding.
Thank you so much to Alexis for stopping by today and sharing her wealth of knowledge with us! Please comment with any additional questions that you may have and we will be sure to pass them on to her. In the meantime, Mazel Tov to Alexis and her fiance!
