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Archive for the ‘Planning Tips’ Category

A Conversation with Marriage Therapist Erin Morey

Whenever I see elderly couples, holding hands and being affectionate, I think to myself – How are they still so in love? Will I be able to have such a loving relationship with my husband as we grow old? 

After speaking with Erin Morey, a great licensed marriage and family therapist in the DC area, I learned so much about how a couple can talk and learn about each other to achieve the goal of having a marriage that will last a lifetime.  I think you might find, as I did, that putting in the pre-wedding effort to love, understand, and commit to a wonderful life with your spouse-to-be is nothing short of an overwhelmingly beautiful idea.
 

Why do you think it is important or valuable for a couple to go through premarital counseling before marriage?

I believe that it is important and valuable for any couple to go through some premarital education program or premarital counseling before marriage because today’s couples face more challenges, more demands than ever. Premarital sessions, either in an education/teaching format or in a counseling format can provide couples with a strong foundation through skill building, fostering necessary discussions, and exploring expectations.

In an age where 40% or more of all first marriages end in divorce, I believe that couples can benefit from slowing down the planning process and plan more for the rest of their lives.  I hope, as a counselor and as a bride to be, that I can help couples to view premarital preparation as enjoyable, and as something they look forward to attending because this time is and should be fun.  Taking some time off from the planning of the details of the wedding day, to spend some quality time learning about each other, your skills, and your future, can be a great way to connect and have fun.
 

We see that you offer premarital couples a program called PREPARE/ENRICH – can you tell us more about this?

Sure.  PREPARE/ENRICH was developed by Dr. David Olsen and Dr. Peter Larson and is a customized couple assessment completed online or in my office that identifies a couple’s strength and growth areas. PREPARE is the name of the program used with premarital or non-married couples to provide marital preparation, and ENRICH is the name of the program used with married or committed couples to assist in marital enrichment. 

Following the completion of the assessment, I receive a 16-page result packet on the couple’s various relationship scales such as communication, conflict resolution, finances, intimacy, roles, and more.  All of these scales are assessed to determine the couple’s strength areas and growth areas.  I will then provide 4-8 feedback sessions in which I will help the couple discuss and understand their results as they are taught proven relationship skills.

More specifically, the program helps couples:

  • Explore strength and growth areas
  • Strengthen communication skills
  • Identify and manage major stressors
  • Resolve conflict using the Ten Step Model
  • Develop a more balanced relationship
  • Explore family of origin issues
  • Discuss financial planning and budgeting
  • Establish personal, couple and family goals
  • Understand and appreciate personality differences

 

What do think are the three most important traits that should exist in a relationship and why?

This is a tough question because there can be many important traits that should exist in a relationship.  However, my perspective of the three most important would include friendship, repair attempts, and time to laugh and play.

I believe that having a friendship, a strong, deep friendship is crucial to a relationship because this is why we often choose to marry each other in the first place, yet often one of the first traits to go by the wayside. There may be problems that arise that are unsolvable and through realizing the deep friendship, couples can refrain from quarrelling about the pointless arguments and focus more on their sense of a shared life together.

The trait of repair attempts comes from a well-known researcher and marital expert, Dr. John Gottman.  I often work with couples to implement and pay attention to each other’s small ways of preventing arguments from escalating during the fight or conflict.  Healthy couples do have arguments and fights, but what really matters is how they repair and whether the repairs are successful.

Lastly, making time to laugh and play is significant.  Research has shown that couples should have at least 5 positive interactions to every 1 negative interaction for a successful relationship.  Here too, I work with couples in my office in McLean Virginia to laugh, to play, and to have fun during sessions so that they can go home and do the same.
 

What should couples look for when seeking to hire a premarital therapist?

I think it is helpful to consider looking for a therapist that offers premarital education as well as premarital counseling.  I believe that these can be two separate programs and some couples may not require counseling as much as they could benefit from education and learning.

Couples should ask potential therapists/professionals if the premarital programs offer an assessment inventory such as PREPARE.  Other inventories offered are RELATE and FOCCUS.  Couples also want to look for a therapist or professional that is trained and qualified to offer such programs.

Finally, it is important to look for a program, class, or approach that is flexible to allow for each relationship and each learning style, rather than a one-size-fits-all type of program.
 

Thank you SO much Erin!

Coming Soon…Bride Buzz!

So, I happen to love Daily Candy.  I love it so much that I currently receive Daily Candy emails for DC, Atlanta, New York and Chicago.  Just in case, I don’t know, something in The Weekend Guide catches my eye and motivates me to take a last-minute trip.  And I just like to know what’s going on in other cities.

Because of my love for Daily Candy, I was bursting at the seams with excitement when I heard about Bride Buzz.  It’s the Daily Candy for the wedding world.  Daily doses of inspiration sent right to your inbox.  Every day.  Hand-picked items of wedding sweetness.  Love it!

Sign up today (it’s free!)…

bridebuzz

Hello from Indonesia!

Good morning!  It is 8:15am on Wednesday morning here in Ubud, Bali, Indonesia.  Our honeymoon has been fabulous (most honeymoons are, right?), and today is our last full day in Bali.  Tomorrow night we fly back to the States, to arrive home on Friday.  

Right now we are here…

sayan(Four Seasons Sayan)

This is my first time to Asia and I’ve really loved every second of it.

Danielle has done an amazing job of holding down the fort while I’ve been away (she’s the best!).  I’ll be back next Monday to report on everything I learned from being on the “other side” — the “bride’s side” — including what I now highly recommend for any bride, things to do and things to skip at your reception, and tips for your honeymoon (especially if you are leaving the country).

For now, I’m off to explore another part of this amazing place — first up, an elephant ride through the jungle!  Not your typical honeymoon activity, but after 7 days on the beach, we’re ready for a little adventure.

Thanks for all of your emails while I’ve been away.  I plan to spend all weekend answering them and catching up on everything I’ve missed!  

xoxo

DW Bride Blogger Update: Wedding Website Reviews

Julia’s stopping in today to share some VERY important information about creating the best website for your wedding…  Oh, I wish I had known all of this before creating my own wedding website (though, I must say, I used www.weddingwindow.com and loved it).

Here’s Julia…

While we (well, I mostly) were busy making plans for the wedding and researching and choosing vendors, we started to get asked about our wedding day. All the time. People were asking where and when and who was in the wedding party. Some even asked when the save-the-date was going to be sent. So, as the first step, I knew I wanted to set up a wedding website. Most of my friends had sites that had details for their weddings. I really appreciated knowing details in advance – the date, location and times, especially for destination weddings where there were most pre and post wedding activities, it was nice to have a reference so we didn’t miss anything.

I embarked upon a research trip across the internet trying to find resources that would help me find the best wedding website designer. I knew I didn’t want to have my fiancé build one from scratch – he was already busy with a ton of home improvement projects before I moved in with him. I knew I wanted the website to look as customized as possible as well as easy to build. I didn’t find many resources online that had lists of wedding website builders so I could compare all of the different sites at once.

Instead, I stumbled upon a short 1/3 page review of 3 sites in Modern Bride magazine. From there, I decided to use WedQuarters.com

julia-website

I am happy with our site, but I have found several more sites after-the-fact that I think may have been better. I’d like to share those here, so you can do your own research and have all of the options before you make your decision.

Sites to check out: weddingwindow.com, weddingtracker.com, wedquarters.com, ewedding.com, weddingocean.com, weddingorg.com, wedpagedesigns.com, wedshare.com, nearlyweds.com, weddings.myevent.com, mymemorypage.com, elegantweddingwebsites.com, ourweddingplus.com, wedsimple.com, momentville.com

Bridal sites that offer website builders [you just can’t customize the URL (like www.meandbob.com)]: brides.com, weddingchannel.com, theknot.com, projectwedding.com/ourwedding/browse, weddingwire.com

Sites that offer information/reviews about wedding websites: weddingzen.wordpress.com, weddingwebsites.com

After the site was set up, it was onto our save-the-date. I browsed tons of ideas online – mostly photos of the knot “picks” and then a bunch of DIY ideas from blogs. I loved so many of the pretty printed invitation-like Save-The-Dates. I also loved the creative and crafty DIY ideas. But, I wanted it to be as simple as possible and I decided I didn’t want to use a regular picture of us.  So, I asked my fiancé to design something since he’s a designer in his full-time job. He came up with something very artistic and modern (see photo below). I incorporated a very abstract black & white/washed out photo of us walking with our dog. It was very “us.”

std_forblog

I stumbled upon a website called www.printsmadeeasy.com. Not only would they print the postcards, but they would also print the names and addresses AND print indicia for postage. Talk about a one stop shop. We uploaded our design, uploaded our list in excel and pressed “order now.” A few days later, our guests started to receive the Save-The-Dates and visited our website. The wheels have started to roll…

Advice on Hair Trials

Hi ladies.  I’ve been buried in the dark world of wedding planning for the past 3 weeks, but things are starting to settle down and I’m beginning to see the light.  Our big day is two weeks from tomorrow (Hallelujah!).

So, let’s talk hair trials.

I had mine three weeks ago with Remona Soleimani, one of the best wedding hair stylists in the DC area (she’s a District Favorite).  And boy, she really is fantastic.

I had a pretty good idea of what I wanted.  I had ripped out pictures from magazines, so I brought them with me.  Okay, here is where Remona blew me away.

I brought these pictures…

hair1

And Remona nailed it on the first try.  At least I thought she did.  I loved it.  It was exactly what I was looking for.  However, she wasn’t so satisfied with her work.  So she took it down and started again.

Second time around — she nailed it again.  It looked so good.  It was slightly different than the first time, but I loved it nonetheless.  I figured I was good to go, and started to get up from her chair.

“Do you have more time?” she asked.  Wait.  She just asked me if I had more time?  Um, yes.  I have lots of time.  ”Great,” she said, “Let’s try it again.”

And so we did.  We tried it four more times.  She started from the top, then she started from the bottom, then she curled my hair with a curling iron, and THEN she plucked an orchid from the potted plant at the salon as a finishing touch.

It was beautiful.

Bottom line…she wanted it to be perfect.  She wanted to know exactly what she was doing.  She wanted to keep my pictures, so she could practice more at home.  How amazing is that?!?

And then, after all of that, she asked me to send her pictures of my bridesmaids (she’s doing their hair too), so she could have an idea of what their hair is like before she arrives on the wedding day.

Ladies, if you’re looking for someone who will do an incredible job with your hair, someone who will practice until its perfect, and someone who’s just as fun to be around — go with Remona.

Remona, you’re the best.  I couldn’t feel more comfortable, or more excited.  Maybe I won’t look like Jessica or Charlize, but at least I’ll love my hair.

Oh yeah.  Advice on Hair Trials.  Here’s what I’ve learned…

1 – Bring pictures and your camera.

2 – Bring your veil and any hair clips or accessories

3 – Be flexible and open to trying things you may not have considered.  I loved my first hair style, but that’s not always the case.

4 – When you have a finished product, take lots of pictures.

5 – Be sure to put your veil in while you’re at the salon (you’d be surprised how many people bring them and then never put them in)

6 – If you color/highlight your hair, ask your stylist about highlights for your wedding.  I’m having mine done three days before the big day, as any roots would be pretty obvious with the way I’m wearing my hair.

7 – Go with your gut (not the way your fiance likes your hair best).  This is, of course, ultimately up to you.  I’ll just say I’ve met quite a few girls who wished they had worn their hair differently on their wedding day, but at the time, they just went with what their fiance wanted.

8 – Enjoy it!  Bring your mom or maid of honor (you only need one other opinion, so don’t bring a whole slew of people).

9 – Send us pictures!  We’d love to see how your trial compares to your big day.  And we love to hear about talented stylists!